Humour

“I prefer not to speak. If I speak I will be in trouble.”

— Chelsea, asked about the referee after a 1-0 defeat at Aston Villa, 2014

“Look, I'm a coach, I'm not Harry Potter.”

— Real Madrid, warning fans not to expect miracles after his first league match, 2010

“Omelettes, eggs. No eggs, no omelettes. And it depends on the quality of the eggs.”

— Chelsea, on building a squad without new signings, 2007

“If I wanted to have an easy job I would have stayed at Porto – beautiful blue chair, the UEFA Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.”

— Chelsea, explaining why he left Porto, 2004

“Young players are like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100% sure that the melon is good.”

— On developing young players

“I'm the happy one.”

— On returning to Chelsea, 2013

“At almost 70 years of age has won a Super Cup and another small cup. He is too old to change his mentality.”

— Inter, replying to Juventus coach Claudio Ranieri, 2008

“As for Lo Monaco, I do not know who he is. With the name Monaco, I have heard of Bayern Monaco (Munich) and the Monaco GP, the Tibetan Monaco (Monk) and the Principality of Monaco. I've never heard of any others.”

— Inter, replying to Catania's chief executive Pietro Lo Monaco, 2008